Don't Use Logic in Your Arguments
This tops the list because, for some reason, vegans hate arguments that don't make sense.
As a fellow meat-eater, odds are you already arrive at crazy conclusions not backed by sound reasoning without even knowing it. So you're half way there. The next step is to know you're making errors of logic, but not change anything.
It is true that in order to realise just how unethical your diet and lifestyle actually may be, you first have to actually think about it. So just don't think about it.
WHAT TO SAY
Example 1: "Animals kill other animals so I can too. Lions tho!"
This is a great trigger because it completely ignores the fact that wild animals do a lot of things that you don't want to do and instead just focuses on the one thing you want to emulate. Perfectly illogical.
Some vegans might call this an "appeal to nature fallacy." But that's just some tree-hugging hippy-shit that you don't need to be concerned with.
Example 2: "Meat has B12 and we need B12 so meat is obviously healthy."
Another knock-out. Vegans and their self-righteous "reasoning skills" will get triggered over this because it completely ignores the fact that meat has high levels of cholesterol and saturated fat, and way too much trans fat to ever be healthy.
Don't let them convince you with their tall tales that you can get all the B12 you need from fortified foods or supplementation for less than 5 USD per year - that's just vegan propaganda and not backed by any real evidence.
Reference Decades old Nutrition Information
Every vegan hates it when you do this, and it's incredibly easy to do because who the hell has time to actually "read" these days?
WHAT TO SAY
Example 1: "Yeah but where do you get your protein? Protein tho!"
Vegans hate this because they lack the essential amino acids needed to even understand it.
The feisty vegans who have been supplementing protein will sometimes try to explain to you that a calorically sufficient quantity of whole plant foods contains more than enough protein to meet the recommended daily allowance, but don't let their wacky "modern science" sway you from the fact that everyone knows all protein comes from animals.
Example 2: "You need cow's milk for calcium! Got milk? Strong bones!"
It's almost as if vegans have never seen a milk commercial.
The "animal lovers" that actually spend time outdoors and away from the TV might try and deceive you with industry funded claims like "the countries that consume the most cows milk have the most bone fractures" and other ridiculous notions.
Some of them might even show you blood tests to prove that a varied, whole foods, vegan diet including dark green leafy vegetables is abundant in calcium, but everyone knows that blood test aren't as reliable as milk advertisements.
Express Ignorant Views Confidently
No one likes to be publicly ridiculed, which is why it's important to always express your ignorant views with the utmost of confidence.
Being unusually confident will deter shy vegans from correcting you, thereby allowing you to believe your own bullshit for just a little longer.
WHAT TO SAY
Example 1: "Plants feel pain tho!"
Superbly ignorant. Works best if you don't provide any scientific evidence to back it up. Which is easy because there isn't any.
Vegans might retort with such outlandish propositions as "plants have no brain or central nervous system, there is no evolutionary purpose for them to feel pain and they only show signs of intelligence, not sentience" but you don't need to understand those big words. Just laugh it off, think about bacon and say it with more confidence next time.
Example 2: "Veganism is unsustainable!"
This is so outrageously ignorant that it will catch some vegans off guard and give you time to bury it beneath a stack of more ridiculous statements like "if you love animals so much why do you eat all their food LOL."
If you encounter an uppity veg-head however, they might be quick to tell you that "feeding 56 billion land animals every year is obviously less sustainable than just feeding 7 billion humans." But don't worry, it's normally only vegans who actually think about these things properly, so statistically speaking, they're going to be the odd-one-out in the room anyway.
Always Miss the Point
Oh, vegans hate this. It's almost like they think animal rights is a serious issue or something?
Like when you're just making a personal choice to enjoy a ham and cheese sandwich and they keep ruining your meal by talking about how delicious their fruit salad is. Like, stop pushing your views on me I'm trying to have lunch.
WHAT TO SAY
Example 1: "But I like the taste of cheese!"
This triggers vegans because they also used to be addicted to cheese, but are not allowed it anymore due to their nonsensical religious beliefs.
The more annoying vegans will try and bring the discussion back to what veganism is actually about - animal rights - and how an animals right to live always trumps your taste preference, but normally they are just suffering casein withdrawals and compensating for their jealousy by being extremely logical.
Example 2: "But some people live well into old age eating meat!"
Another great one because it completely ignores the entire vegan message.
If any vegan tries to tell you that you CAN be at least as healthy eating whole plant foods so there is no reason at all to support the largest scale mass, unprovoked slaughter of innocent and defenceless creatures ever to unfold on this earth, make sure to remind them of old people. They probably forgot they had grandparents after trying to remember which months avocados are in season.
Share Nonsense Articles that are Not Well Researched but Support your Current Worldview
This is a very popular trigger-tactic often used in online debates, and a very effective one because most people only read the headlines anyway - especially vegans who clearly aren't interested in the truth and just want to push their agenda on you.
Plus, linking to other people's words means not having to formulate original thoughts of your own.
The last thing you want to do when triggering animal rights activists is to actually begin to question your own beliefs. That only leads to more thinking. And fuck that. Life's short - no time for utopian forward thinking. When did that ever help anyone anyway?
WHAT TO LINK
Example 1: Anything with no references or basis in reality at all.
Works wonders because it requires the least amount of effort. Just search for what you want, then copy the first link!
This allows you to post loads of them quickly, overwhelming the weak vegan with quantity while paying no attention to quality. If you post enough of them, they just might seem convincing.
Example 2: Pretty much any YouTube video.
Peoples attention spans are so short nowadays that videos work better than ever to defend your point. The more attractive the people are in the video, the more ludicrous things they can get away with saying. The good news is that most people are not vegan, so most YouTube videos are also made by non-vegans, so you have a lot to pick from.
If a stubborn animal lover responds with a large scale, published, peer-reviewed study or a logically valid philosophical conclusion that disagrees with what your saying, just post more videos.
Remember: accurate comprehension of science and basic logical consistency are for pale, wimpy, book-worms. Not big, strong, animalistic beasts like you and me.
PS. If you didn't notice, all the above propaganda artwork is brought to you by your trusty Vegan SideKick. Avoid his lies and disinformation by definitely never following his Facebook page, Instagram or Twitter accounts, and by boycotting his Tumblr at all costs.